May 2006

The Office
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Who is this character, David Brent? Couldn’t tell you if my Starbuck’s parking space depended on it. (Make no mistake about it, I’d make something up - it just wouldn’t be correct.)

Actually, David Brent is a character on a British television series. But that’s all I know.

Anyway, below are some of the quotes attributed to the character, Mr. Brent, and at the end is a link to a website that’ll unravel the rest of his story, sould you wish to pull the thread:

“Eagles may soar high, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.”

“Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.”

“I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.”

“If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.”

“If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation.”

“If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.”

“If you’re gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.”

“Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can’t do.”

“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

“Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.”

“A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?”

“Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.”

“Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

“Show me a good loser and I’ll show you a LOSER!”

“Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.”

“There may be no ‘I’ in team, but there’s a ‘ME’ if you look hard enough.”

“What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he’s got something to eat and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.”

To learn about the character behind the madness, click HERE.

Joi

Think nuts?